Thursday, April 12, 2007

With all my heart...

I know not of anyone else whose hands I want to hold so much.
I know not of anyone else that can make me smile at ease so much.
I know not of anyone else who makes my heart beat so fast, so fast, so fast.
I know not of anyone else who shed tears I can't wait to wipe off.
I know not of anyone else that makes me remind myself to be careful when we touch; for she is so delicate.
I know not of anyone else I want to be with now, tomorrow and the days that follow.
I know not of anyone else that I wished would tread this strenuous path with me.
I know not of anyone else whose lips fit mine like a jigsaw puzzle.
I know not of anyone else who embraces, kisses and touches me at the perfect places.
I know not of anyone else whom I'd travel all over the island and remain sleepless for.
I know not of anyone else I'd give up the world for.
I know not of anyone else that makes me go on and on with this list because the sheer thought of leaving her causes the syndrome: tears they fall down like rain.
I know not of anyone else who would share my Vanilla Latte with me and still have me smelling the edges of the paper cup, trying to recapture her breath in every inhale I take.
I know not of anyone else who always feeds me the best parts of each meal we take together.
I know not of anyone else who remembers every single word that exits my mouth.
I know not of anyone else who makes me feel so special, who makes me rethink about my philosophy of life.
I know not of anyone else whom I'd rather have as a 'lucky girl' you once spoke so fondly of.
I know not of anyone else who can make me so jealous in a matter of seconds.
I know not of anyone else who can make me blog while listening to music; because the music is 'Run', because the music is our music, because the music has become me.
I know not of anyone else who makes my heart ache so much as I reminisce of the times we had together.
I know not of anyone else who makes me so determined to be optimistic about everything.
Because I know not of anyone else I'd rather give all my trust, faith and heart to.

Because all I wanted to say was I love you.
With all my heart baby,
I love you.

Yours truly,
10.09pm
xoxoxo

posted@9:42 PM

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Thursday, April 05, 2007

Lies, truths and a piece of thread.

I saw her eyes swell up as they conjured up feelings of a worn, beaten little kitten. They were painted with shades of jealousy, of resentment and of pain. You could almost see how each and every word pricked her hapless heart as she recounted past experiences that seemed to slap her right in her face; experiences that grew from little germs of insensitivity. I didn’t just see. I felt it. I felt, as I’ve spoken elsewhere, ‘the twisting sinews of thy heart’. There was seemingly so little, yet so much internal bleeding going on. No, maybe it wasn’t bleeding. Maybe her heart was just dripping with blood as she reminded herself what the words friendship, unintention and stereotype meant.

Truth to be told, we are all a bunch of absurd jokers walking on thin threads. Just like the ones we see in circuses. Threads that create the fine divisions and partitions in life which, when crossed, hurt others. It is with much contempt as I witnessed others crossing the fine thread differentiating stereotyping and being sensitive. And it is with most contempt as I saw, with my very own eyes, a seemingly untouchable girl being stabbed unwittingly by the careless wielding daggers of others. And this girl we speak of is my girl.

I am neither thirsting for vengeance nor tasting anger in my mouth. I merely saw the power of perspectives and how it is so contemptuous that we always fail to see other angles from where we are standing. It is like a few men standing around a statue before them. Each one of them will tell you with so much conviction about what they can see from where they stand, but no two claims will be the same - for no two men will bother to unroot themself to explore other perspectives. We are just like one of these few men. We only stand at our respective positions and see what we want to see, think what we want to think, although we go on claiming that we see what we saw, and think what we thought. Sorry girlfriend, that’s just not gonna work out.

Because until we are able to step out of that position and take a walk around the statue, we do not pass off judgements as conclusions. And more importantly, we do not hurt people closest to our hearts unknowingly. But the upsetting fact of life is that we rarely take that step; for we are too afraid to venture beyond the piece of thread we're stepping on.

Because simply, you might as well go and die if you fail to exit planet Oblivion.

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Enough of angsty talk. It's high time we discussed a topic I really enjoy discussing – Art.

Because I've always prided myself as an artist of some sorts:

An artist, to me, has a distinct philosophy of life that is very much humane and alive, far from the passivity that the masses have so paid their dues to. He is true to his audience, for he paints not with his paintbrush, but with his heart. The brush is but the medium through which this heart manoeuvres and whispers its private thoughts and feelings to. And feelings we speak of here command a life and vibrancy of a tyger, yes, a tyger. The tyger with a soul that puts flaming gorges to shame. He is oblivious to the whinings and little musings of the masses, albeit being mocked, teased, or even condemned at some point of another. But this is the price he pays for the gem he truly values. A gem known as Individuality. A gem synonomous with Uniqueness. A gem synonymous with the Infinite Beauty of Life. A gem that has been unwittingly become You.

But I fervently believe I'm more than just the above.

First, we speak of Lies; lies conjured by incessant and untimely phone calls of pseudo-jealousy. A seemingly powerful jealousy that could turn altar wine sour. Then we speak of cookies, warm drinks and a good music album. Lastly we speak of everything else till we tired the sun with talking and sent him down the sky.

Second, we speak of the other end of the spectrum, the other side of the polarity - Truth. And the truth is simple: I've been thinking about the uncertain future and being uncertain about everything. I'm not sure of anything. We're not sure of anything.

But there's one thing I'm sure of.

I'm sure of the fact that I will do anything within my means to bring a smile on your face, keep you warmer than warm, and bring that 'light amidst the darkness' you spoke so fondly of. Even if it means traveling half the island or losing some sleep.

Cause baby, I'm loving this insomnia.

And did I mention that I'm more than just an artist of gems and paintbrushes?

I'm an artist who uses lies to tell the truth.

posted@8:01 PM

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